Things are somewhat better since my last blog entry. I am still having trouble with a few things, and meditation is rough too. So hard to take my own advice really and it is hard to stay mindful. I easily get angry at people for many different reasons, and of course angry at myself. The usual poisons really – expectations, both realistic and unrealistic; self centered fear; the list goes on.
I am reminded I am very much human.
Recently, I took insult to a statement colleague made to some others. I am quite certain he didn’t realize what he said. It really bothers me so, and there’s not much I can say, or do because this is part of his personality and we have discussed it before.
Recently, I have also found myself to be impatient as well. The “waiting for the phone to ring” form of impatience.
If my self esteem were stronger, I’m sure things like offhand remarks would not bother me. I am quite sensitive.
I have lost my grip on the here and the now and I can’t seem to get it back. I am angry at the past and worried about my future.
I will get it back
I will be okay
I just need to breathe.
I just need to not give up.
My you all not suffer.